Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook. It's put me back in touch with many people that I had lost touch with. Without FB, I probably would not have been able to find them. Let's be honest, FB makes it easy.
I enjoy getting friend updates each day since I live far away from many of them. With my hectic life, I barely get to spend time with the friends that are close by. FB is one of the ways we plan get togethers. Sad I know, but true.
What I wonder about is why have some people that barely acknowledged my existence in high school agree to be my FB friend? Is it out of curiosity? Is it because they have forgotten what our relationship (or lack there of) was in high school? I went to an elite prep school and stuck out like a sore thumb. I was definitely not part of the "in" crowd. While they wore polos and loafers, I pushed the dress code wearing leggings under mini skirts, grannie boots a la Madonna style, and shirts that barely covered my mid section. I'm sure I didn't hear all the rumors about me, and I hate to admit that I'm still curious what they were. Looking back I'm sure I tried to so hard not to fit in just so that they would notice me. By senior year I found my niche in my class and was able to finally enjoy just being me for a while.
But I never stopped wondering what it would have been like to have been invited and gone to some of their parties. Would I have actually dated any of them? Would my life be different than what it is now? I'll never know. But on nights like these, I do think about it when I see an update from one of them.
When I joined FB and started sending some of them friend requests, I was surprised when they accepted. There are a few that I haven't contacted. Stupid, I know. I should be over it by now. I really want to know why they hated me so much, but how do you ask someone that? Why do I care? I don't know. And the thing is, once I got to college, I never talked about that part of high school. So my other friends on FB have no idea about this angst that I still have.
I'm not mad anymore. I got over that. I'm happy that the ones I did ping accepted my friend request. I'm able to see what they are up to and with whom. I can be an observer and feel connected, even though it's superficial. It's really just curiosity. It will probably not lead to anything, but it gives me hope that if I wanted to pursue a new relationship with them, there is a chance that they will accept that gesture as well.
